Zachary
This is the transcript for the film, Zachary & Ainsley 5: Spice vs. Blood. 'Chapter 1: Cooling Off * 2013 Paramount Pictures logo * 2012 Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer logo * 2006 Columbia Pictures logo * 2011 Sony Pictures Animation logo * 2010 Skydance Productions logo (Outside, Zachary and the girls are running a trail, panting. They finish their fifteenth lap.) 'Zachary: '''16 laps, one more to go! The more running, the more faster we finish. (Paramount Pictures, Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer, Columbia Pictures, Sony Pictures Animation and Skydance Productions present) ''(Zachary and the girls do their sixteenth lap.) 'Zachary: '''This is our last lap! Whew! Finally. '''Maddie: '''I agree. This is just like when we did long distance in track a few years ago. (2 minutes later) '''Zachary: '(he and the girls finish their seventeenth lap) Man, we ran 9 miles which means 17 laps is enough for a day, don't you agree, Ainsley? 'Ainsley: '''Yeah. We're all sweaty now. '''Leah: '''Our bodies are all red and sweaty. '''Alex: '''I tend to agree. How about we just stay home for the week to cool off? '''Zachary: '''Yeah, I agree. 100 degrees on a Saturday sucks. And speaking of what Leah said, our bodies look spicy when we're all red and sweaty. (everyone laughs) '''Meredith: '''LOL. '''Alexa: '''Good one, Zach. '''Ainsley: '''I agree with your wife and girlfriend. '''Zachary: '(puts his hand on Ainsley's shoulder) Let's go home. Our blood is pumping up. (Zachary & Ainsley 5: Spice vs. Blood) ''(At home in the living room, Zachary and the girls are in their swimsuits. Zachary and Ainsley are sitting on the couch. Ainsley's back is being massaged by Zachary.)'' (8:00PM) 'Ainsley: '(Zachary kisses her cheek) Awww. Zach, you're so sweet. '''Zachary: '''Thanks. '''Ainsley: '''Any time. Continue. (Zachary continues to massage her back) '''Olivia: (enters the room) Guys, I'm gonna do something I've never done in my life. Abby: '''What's that, Liv? '''Olivia: '''For once, I thought it might be nice for me to give birth to a child. Why, there's only one boy in the house. Zach, have you done sex while you were naked? '''Zachary: '''I've done that six times before with Alexa, so yes. '''Alexa: '''So, Olivia, what status are you in right now? '''Olivia: '''I'm single right now. Zach will take me to his room and we'll have naked sex together! (everyone cheers) 'Abby: Have fun, you two! Chapter 2: Olivia Becomes Pregnant (In Zachary's bedroom, Zachary and Olivia are having sex.) Olivia: '(Zachary kisses her cheek) You know, Zach, the best part about having sex while naked is this. '''Zachary: '''What? '''Olivia: '''Your weiner! (laughs) '''Zachary: '(chuckles) Yeah, I guess that's funny. You know what another part is best about having sex while naked? 'Olivia: '''No. '''Zachary: '''Your cookies, that's what! (laughs) '''Olivia: '(giggles) Yeah, I guess that's funny too, unlike biting Abby's shiny metal ass when you don't actually mean it. 'Zachary: '''She only tells me to bite her ass to make me love her a lot. '''Olivia: '''Tell me about it. '''Zachary: '''I first met you two when I first met Meredith and Sarah. Anyway, when we tell Meredith, Alexandra and Allie about your pregnancy test, they'll have to dip their fat asses in a jacuzzi with flower petals in the water. '''Olivia: '''Again, they're not fat. They're bloated because they weigh a lot of pounds. So they need to...I don't know. Lose some weight. '''Zachary: '''Pfft! Why the hell would they want to do that? '''Olivia: '''Who knows? Let's just shut up and start kissing so I can become pregnant! '''Zachary: '''And let's just hope we don't get a miscarriage. '''Olivia: '''Yeah, that would be sad. (giggles) (she and Zachary start kissing) '''Olivia: '(smiling) I love you, Zach. (she kisses Zachary's cheek) 'Zachary: '(smiling) I love you too, Liv. (he and Olivia continue kissing) (In the living room, everyone else is hanging out. Zachary enters the room wearing his water shirt and shorts.) 'Zachary: '''Good news, everyone! I had sex with Olivia while naked last night, and she is now pregnant! (everyone cheers) '''Abby: '''Awesome! What gender is the baby? '''Zachary: '''I gave my Y sperm to Liv's X sperm, making an XY sperm, meaning that our baby is a boy! '''Ainsley: '''That is so sweet! So if you make an XX sperm, then that's a girl. Am I right or am I right? '''Zachary: '''Yes. Here she is, now with our boy! '''Olivia: '(enters the room in her gym uniform, pregnant) Morning, everyone! Beautiful morning, huh? 'Alexandra: '''Yep. Even with your friends and family around you while you're pregnant. '''Abby: '''We never hugged while one of us was pregnant in our entire lives. Let me give you a hug! '''Allie: '''Let all of us give you a hug too! '''Zachary: '''You heard them. Let me go first. (Olivia gives Zachary a hug, then Ainsley, then Meredith, then Alexa, then Abby, then Kaia, then Lydia, then Alexandra, then Carina, then Alex, then Leah, then Rachel, then Allie, then Sophia, then Abworker, then Sarah and then Maddie) '''Abby: '''We love you, Liv. '''Olivia: '''Awww, thank you, guys. '''Zachary: '''Any time. '''Ainsley: '''So, now what? '''Alex: '''Liv needs to take a pregnancy test to see how pregnant she is. '''Olivia: '''What do you mean by "how", Alex? '''Alex: '''Your pregnancy might not go so well sometimes. '''Olivia: '''Huh. I see. '''Meredith: '''And so, there's only one question the three field hockey As will ask. '''Alex: '''Where should we go for Liv's pregnancy test? '''Alexandra: '''Maybe in the hospital? '''Allie: '''Or maybe at home? '''Carina: '''I think I know the answer. '''Meredith: '''What do you think, Carina? '''Carina: '''I'm gonna suggest both. '''Alexa: '''So are we staying home or going to the hospital to do her test? '''Leah: '''Since we're doing our 1 week relaxation, let's stay home and do it. '''Olivia: '''Sounds like a safe idea when on a relaxation week. '''Ainsley: '''What she said. Let's get this pregnancy test over with. Chapter 3: Olivia's Pregnancy Test and Baby Shower ''(Everyone is in the basement, Olivia sits on a chair and Sophia stands next to a wheel with 0% to 100% on it) 'Olivia: '''So how is this gonna work? '''Sophia: '''Only one way to find out. See this wheel right next to me? That's the Pregnancy Wheel. When spun, it will tell you how pregnant you are. If it lands on 0% to 50%, ding dong, you're not pregnant enough. '''Olivia: '''What happens if it lands on 60% to 100%? '''Sophia: '''You're perfectly pregnant. '''Zachary: '''One question--should Liv spin the wheel? '''Sophia: '''If she wants too. (turns to Olivia) Do you want to? '''Olivia: '''You can do it. '''Sophia: '''Okay. Let's see how pregnant you are! ''(Sophia spins the wheel and it lands on 100%) 'Abby: '100%! '''Olivia: '''All right, baby! '''Sophia: '''You're perfectly pregnant! '''Olivia: '''Now I'll have to wait 9 months to give birth to my boy! '''Zachary: '''All right! So, what else does she have to do? '''Alex: '''Your mother, wife and I have done this before. She has to do a baby shower. '''Olivia: '''A baby shower? '''Ainsley: '''It's when you give your baby a shower despite that he or she is in your belly. I've done that three times, Alex did that eight times and Alexa did that six times. '''Olivia: '''Oh my god! This is gonna be all wrong if I have my clothes on. '''Rachel: '''Actually, you'll be wearing your bikini. '''Olivia: '''Oh, good. Never saw it before. '''Abworker: '''It's like when you've taking an actual shower. But for a baby shower, you're giving your baby a shower. '''Maddie: '''You know how mothers give their babies a bath? That's almost the same thing. '''Olivia: '''I'm starting to get this now. Babies are out of their mom's belly when they're given a bath but they're in their mom's belly when they're given a shower. '''Abby: '''Let's go to the bathroom that's in our bedroom. ''(In their bathroom, Olivia is in her bikini and their shower is on) 'Kaia: '''You can go ahead and sit on that chair that's in the shower. See it in there? '''Olivia: '''Yes. Your mother and grandmother have done this before. (she goes into the shower and sits on the chair) Awwwwwwww yeaaaaaah. '''Lydia: '''The baby starts to hear splashing noises and the answer to that question is the shower. '''Alex: '''Indeed. '''Leah: '''I guess the water goes into the belly button, huh? '''Alex: '''I guess depending on how the mother bathes herself. '''Ainsley: '''Speaking of, it could be showering, taking a bath, many reasons. '''Olivia: '(gets out of the chair, turns off the shower and exits it) SOMEONE left the shower on before we came here. '''Ainsley: '''Sorry, Liv, that was my bad. '''Zachary: '''Want a bath, Liv? I filled the tub halfway. '''Olivia: '''Because I'm still dripping with water, yes. '''Zachary: '''I got dressed this morning, so there's no need for me to change. (he and Olivia dip their bodies in the water) Ah, yeah, that calms the shakes. '''Allie: '''We're gonna head back down to the living room to talk. (she and the rest of the girls leave) See you when we see you, leaders of the Cannon Arms! '''Olivia: '''Any water entering my belly button yet? '''Zachary: '''Yep indeed. Chapter 4: Olivia Gives Birth '(8 months later) (In the basement, Olivia is on an operation table with Zachary next to her. Sarah, Maddie, Alex and Leah enter the room in surgeon clothing) Alex: 'Greetings, Liv. The time has finally come. Sarah told me you need to push the baby out of what piss comes out of. '''Sarah: '''The vagina. '''Alex: '''Meanwhile, Maddie will roll a die to see how many times you need to push. FYI, it REALLY hurts. ''(Maddie rolls the die and it lands on 1) 'Maddie: '''1. Just rolling for fun. '''Alex: '''And Leah will hold the baby when it comes out for it's snuggling. '''Leah: '''I will always remember my life as a Colorpoint Shorthair. '''Alex: '''Now, it's time for the baby to come out so it can be snuggled. '''Zachary: '''We also need a perfect name too. '''Alex: '''Silence, Zach! We'll save the name for when we get the baby out. And when you and Ainsley take your first blood test with blood jellyfish, death is a 50% chance of failing every test, just like Liv's pregnacy test. '''Olivia: '''I agree with you. But about the baby, Alex. Isn't giving birth gonna cause a lot of pain? '''Alex: '''Depending on what you do. Both hurt for all I know. Definitely painful, I say for all I care. '''Olivia: '''Why are we just socializing? Let's get the baby out now! '''Alex: '''Bite Abby's glorious golden ass when we impress her! '''Sarah: '''Who is she talking to? '''Leah: '''She's talking to Liv, Sarah. ''(Maddie rolls the die and it lands on 4) 'Maddie: '''A-L-E-X. '''Alex: '''1, 12, 5 and 24 are my 4 lucky numbers. Zach, can you count Liv's pushes depending on what is rolled by Maddie? '''Zachary: '''Yes, I can. ''(Maddie rolls the die and it lands on 2) 'Maddie: '''2. '''Zachary: '(while Olivia pushes) 1, 2. 'Olivia: '(groans in pain) Alex's right. This DOES hurt. 'Maddie: '''Keep pushing! (rolls the die and it lands on 5) 5. '''Zachary: '(while Olivia pushes) 3, 4, 5, 6, 7. 'Olivia: '(groans in pain) Son of a bitch. 'Alex: '''Keep on pushing! ''(Maddie rolls the die and it lands on 3) 'Maddie: '''3. '''Zachary: '(while Olivia pushes) 8, 9, 10. 'Olivia: '(groans in pain) Owwww. '''Leah: '''It's almost out! '''Alex: '''Just stay calm, Liv. '''Olivia: '''I'm trying. '''Zachary: '''Come on, Liv. Just a few more BIG pushes. 'Maddie: 'I hope this is the last roll. (she rolls the die and it lands on 6) 6. '''Zachary: '''11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16. ''(Olivia groans in pain as a red kitten comes out of her vagina.) 'Olivia: '(pants heavily) Is it out? '''Alex: '''Yep. '''(Leah holds the kitten in her hands.) 'Leah: '''Awwww, it's so adorable. '''Maddie: '''I gotta say. '''Sarah: '''Soooo cute. '''Alex: '''Let's take him up to show everyone! '''Zachary: '''You said it! Liv, you go first. Chapter 5: Olivia Names the Kitten Rusty ''(Everyone else is in AbbyOandlivia's bedroom. Leah enters with the kitten in her hands, along with Zachary, Olivia, Sarah, Alex and Maddie.) 'Leah: '''Good news, everyone! Olivia just gave birth to her child. '''Abby: '''All right! Get in bed, Liv. You'll need a 4 day rest. ''(Olivia gets in bed) Chapter 11: A Bloody Showdown (In their backyard, Olivia, Meredith and Lydia have their legs strapped to separate chairs above a clothesline.) 'Zachary: '''Seriously, one of these Somali girls have to know the true difference between spice and blood. '''Olivia: '''You know who you're messing with, Zach. You have any idea what your next challenge is? '''Zachary: '''Nope. But a hundred people surveyed, number one answer's on the board, my friend. (he gives Olivia an explosive blood bag) Name the User Squad person who's in charge. '''Olivia: '''Vincent...Van Go-kiss-your wife. '''Zachary: '''Hmm. Vincent Van Go-kiss-my wife. Survey says! (he sets off the blood bag with a red button and it explodes on Olivia, covering her in blood and she screams in pain) '''Meredith: '''Oh god! '''Rusty: '''Jesus Christ! Zachary! '''Zachary: '''What, Rusty? I said this was going to be bloody. '''Rusty: '''Still though. '''Olivia: '(groans in pain) You son of a hoor! 'Zachary: '''Save it for your funeral, Liv. (Olivia groans in pain again and he turns to Meredith) Hundred people surveyed, number one answer's still on the board. Name the User Squad person who's in charge. (silence) Need an answer, babe. (Meredith points to a glass bucket of blood hanging from a rope on the clothesline) Hmm. Spice-flavored blood. Well, you never know what the difference is. (he pulls the rope) LET ME SEE SPICE-FLAVORED BLOOD! (he lets go of the rope and the bucket dumps the blood on Meredith and she screams in agony) Ladies, that's two strikes. One more and all the blood gets lit on fire. Get a chance to go to Hell. (he turns to Rusty) I'm just assuming Sophia and Abworker are planning the next challenge for me and Ainsley. I hope it's not something racist. (he turns to Lydia) Chapter 29: Closing Down Spice '''Maddie: '(walks up to the entrance gate to Spice and bows) Maddie to friends. My uncle and grandmother have scored 80% on their full blood test. They only failed the Turkey Challenge, where Sophia and Abworker helped them save the twins from being eaten by a turkey, which they didn't succeed. (bows) (yells) ''Hey, spicy universe, bite my shiny metal a--''(she thrusts her shorts onto the gate and screams as she is launched into the air by the explosion) (Zachary, Ainsley, Alex and Leah scream as they are launched far into the woods where Maddie screams as she lands into the forest on her head) Category:Zachary & Ainsley Transcripts